I have this thing that I only recently identified as stress related. Since the boys were babies, actually this goes back before Nate was born, driving became physically arduous after twenty minutes. I originally thought it was a weird result of boredom after I’d given up smoking, which kept my attention on an additional task, and also meant a steady stream of air was constant from the window. Without this, my head, shoulders, and chest would feel drained of blood. My head would nod as if exhausted, and everything hurt with pins and needles. I’ve used eye drops to keep my eyes from burning, and I will frequently pull over to reset, but I’ve never found a real solution or cause…and that it the best I can do to describe these episodes. For years now, I’ve internally groaned at the prospect of long drives, and as time goes by, I have grown more fearful of this question mark behavior than I have adapted to it. At some point, I connected a dot that may or may not explain what is going on. Company meetings that summon colleagues to present, seem to cast the same spell on me. I don’t know if it’s that I empathize too closely and subconsciously with the nervous presenters, or if I feel dangerously out of place, or if it’s the fluorescent lighting, but I experience the same reaction. It’s a stretch, but the notion that this physical attach might be a response to stress, suddenly seemed plausible. What if these shut-downs were a form of anxiety attack? Huh.
New York City is 4-5 hours away from Cambridge, and while I really tried to make any other form of transportation an option, driving was the only real way to get there with a boy and dog. I rented a car, and told Nate that I needed his help. I needed Nate to not just be my co-pilot, but also my friend. I needed him to ease a part of my psyche that I didn’t even know how to tap into.
Nate. Nate has magical intuition and, though it’s been somewhat dormant during adolescence, it showed up for our road trip. We listened to stories and played bad music, we sang to Sherlock and were excited together. We were driving straight through to Corinne’s house (an hour beyond the city), and before I knew it, we were actually close. As we approached Corinne’s new home I thanked Nate again and again. I tried to impress upon him how imPOSsible this trip had always been for me. I told him I could not have done it without him. And I told him how happy I was to have such a great co—pilot. We made it. Safely and enthusiastically. Great job Nate. Good boy Sherlock.
